


Samurai Abstinence Patrol

by WoozleBucket



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Explicit Language, Humor, M/M, superhero au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 09:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6651901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WoozleBucket/pseuds/WoozleBucket
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes being a superhero without a worst enemy can suck. Sometimes, though, it's worth it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Samurai Abstinence Patrol

**Author's Note:**

> I think I'm getting more comfortable with this whole writing thing now. Thank God.

“There once was an extremely awesome superhero, and his totally kickass sidekick, who were also very, very sexy. Now you may be thinking to yourself, ‘Ninja Sex Party, you’re awesome!’ We know, but thank you anyway. You’re having trouble deciding whi-” Danny narrated before being interrupted by a tap on the shoulder. He turned around, asking, “What is it, Ninja Brian?”

The ninja turned Danny back around and tilted his head down to the street below the building the two were currently on top of. A young woman was running, screaming, from the burning remains of what probably used to be her car. Two men were running from the wreckage. One looked like he was cosplaying as Ryu from Street Fighter, only clad in bright pink, and the other was dressed like a samurai warrior. Ryu and the samurai shared a hi-five before running down an alley and out of sight. 

“Well,” Danny said. “That was a thing that happened.”

Ninja Brian rolled his eyes and nodded in agreement. You can’t really argue with that logic, can you?

“Yeah,” Danny sighed after a moment of listening to Brian mentally complain. “I do know that we were supposed to be on watch for crime and stuff. But I was coming up with this great new song and also needing to express my creativity at the same time! But, uh, you go on down and take a look at the crime scene. I’ll stay up here and look out for the two shady dudes.”

Ninja Brian nodded and poofed off to the streets below in a cloud of Ninja Smoke. 

“Now, if I were a dick, where would I be?” Danny mused, shading his eyes from the glaring sun as he looked out over the city.

“If I had a guess, I would say down your pants,” somebody said from behind him. Danny made a totally manly noise in surprise and spun around to see the Ryu guy from earlier standing behind him and smirking. Now that he was closer, Danny noticed the black mask looking like something one of the ninja turtles would wear on Ryu’s face and the katana hanging at his side. 

“Jesus, don’t do that, dude! You scared the shit out of me!” Danny gasped. Ryu gave him a strange look.

“Uh, are you not the famous Daniel Sexbang?” he asked, looking slightly uncertain.

“Yup,” Danny said, posing heroically, “I am. Why, is there something wrong with that?”

“No, you just are not what I was expecting.”

“Well, then,” Danny asked. “What do you want?”

“You were watching us,” Ryu simply said, stepping closer to Danny and pulling the katana slightly out of its sheath. 

“Uh, yeah, it’s kinda my job,” Danny said matter-of-factly. 

“Samurai Barry and I cannot have that, you see,” he continued, gesturing with the hand not holding the katana’s handle. 

“Yeah? And what are you going to do about it?” Danny challenged. Where was Ninja Brian when he wanted him?

“Well,” Ryu said, pulling the katana completely out and swinging it once through the air. “I could stab you through the ribcage, puncturing your lungs, filling them with blood, and once you suffocated on your own blood, I could chop you into tiny little buts and feed them to the nearest alligators.”

Danny gulped and asked, “Who are you anyway? Because I don’t think I can just keep calling you ‘the terrible Ryu from Street Fighter cosplay guy’ in my head. It’s beginning to give me a headache.”

“I do not know who this Ryu is, but I do know that I am indeed a street fighter. My name is Alen Nevelbona.”

Danny laughed at the other man’s slight Japanese accent. “Arin Neverbone?”

The other man frowned. “No, that is not right. Are you an idiot?”

“So I’ve been told,” Danny shrugged before he had an idea. “So if you’re Arin Neverbone-”

“That is not my name.”

“-and you and your samurai buddy are me and Ninja Brian’s worst enemies now-”

“I do not believe I ever said that.”

“-you two dicks have to be Samurai Abstinence Patrol!”

Arin Neverbone looked at him like he had grown two heads. “What?”

“Yeah!” Danny cheered. “I have an enemy now! Do you know how hard it is to be a superhero without an enemy?”

“No,” Arin said. “I do not. Now, I do believe I have to kill you before your ninja friend gets back.”

Danny frowned. “Aww, but we were having so much fun!”

“We were not. Now just stand still or something.”

“But-”

“No ‘buts’. I am going to kill you now, so shut up.”

“Arin Neverbone and Samurai Barry sounds like a couple of cartoon characters, you know,” Danny commented. By now he was just buying time for Ninja Brian to get back.

“You say that like Danny Sexbang and Ninja Brian are any better,” Arin snorted. 

“Nah, we’re totally a rock band.”

Arin’s mouth quirked up in a slight smile. “Really? I bet your ninja friend, with those golden pipes of his, is, how do you modern folks say it, lead vocals.”

“Fuck yeah, he is,” Danny deadpanned. The two of them held each other’s gazes until Arin busted out laughing, a noise that was beautiful to Danny’s ears. Danny soon followed, his laugh more a giggle than anything else, and Arin shoved his katana back into its sheath. 

“Dude, we need to do this again sometime,” Danny breathed. 

“We do. Tomorrow, same time, same place?” Arin offered. 

“Nah. How about Central Park, like at the dog statue or something?” Danny suggested. Arin seemed to think about it for a moment before nodding.

“That will work.”

Danny reached over and shook Arin’s hand. “See you tomorrow, then.”

“Yes, tomorrow,” Arin agreed before running to the edge of the roof and jumping off.   
=====================================================================

The next day, Dan was out of his “Sexbang” persona and sitting on a bench near the dog statue they agreed to meet at. He had been sitting there for at least half an hour and was getting ready to get up and leave until he noticed someone sit next to him.

The stranger had long brown hair and was wearing a pink t-shirt, gym shorts, and flip-flops despite the cold New York weather. He also looked slightly uncomfortable and was looking around nervously.

“Why the fuck did you pick the fucking dog statue?” Arin asked. 

“Dunno. It was the first thing to pop into my head. You hungry?” Dan answered. 

“What do you think?” Arin said before getting back up and dragging Dan up with him. “And you better be buying, Sexbang. These shorts don’t have any pockets.”

**Author's Note:**

> Here's some explanations: 
> 
> Danny can read minds
> 
> Ninja Brian is kickass
> 
> Basically, Arin's katana is home to an ancient Japanese spirit who possesses him when he's using it, and when it's gone, he's just plain Arin Hanson, but sometimes some bits of Arin come out. 
> 
> Samurai Barry is summoned from the spirit world when called upon by the spirit. 
> 
> As always, I appreciate comments and critiques. Don't forget to slap that Kudos button. For now, bye!


End file.
